Broken Dreams and schooling your children

Found this poem today.

Broken Dreams - written August 9, 1994
age 16

I used to often wish for a man to come into my life
Who'd sweep me off my feet, and I'd become his wife

We'd adventurous things time and time again
By the time one would end, the next was ready to begin

At romantic times he'd whisper softly in my ear
how much he really loves me the words I always love to hear

We'd have a happy family, in a happy home
A daughter, a son, and a dog chewing on his bone

This wish is slowly fading, fading far away
it's fading from the hurt inside that grows stronger everyday.

Now I no longer have fantasies of how it should be
Instead I think of how badly he would hurt me

he'd take my heart and use it to fill all of his desires
On my heart would be skid marks left there by his tires

he'd use me for everything; sex, money, and more
As soon as I say "I love you" he'll treat me like a whore.

he'd leave me the second times would ever get rough.
Or else he'd cheat on me, after all I shouldn't mind that stuff

As much as I love him, he'll never return love to me.
He'd say it all the time however even while on his knees.

He'd beg me never to leave him, he'd beat me if i did.
Please baby don't go, he'd say - You're going to have my kid.

He thinks I can't live without him, but if he's gone I'm better off.
Then I wouldn't be afraid of when he gets mad and blows his top.

So when it comes to having a boyfriend I think I'd rather pass.
All they really are is a big pain in the @#$.

so I think I'll enjoy the single life for a while.
Hey, at least I'll know I'll be doing it with a smile. 



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In reading this in my own hand writing - on the original paper from when I was just a kid, and such a different person than I am today - I find myself with many different thoughts and emotions.  I do welcome yours readers.  Please feel free to share.

I know I am the author of this poem but as I sit and read it, it is as though I am reading the writings of a stranger.  A completely different person.  It is amazing how we grow up and grow and change.  Our appearance changes as we age and mature, but the composition of our thoughts, our dreams, our hopes, it all changes as well.  Even shown here as my outlook on life. 

I was going through a really rough period in my life, one that I really haven't got to yet on this blog.  It was written when I was about 16 - and that just seems to be enough to be depressed - especially in today's society.

I think back to the pressures I had on me.  In school, at home, socially, educationally, sexually, and more.  Constantly trying to measure up.  Thinking I wanted to stand out - as the top dog - but at the same time just desperate to fit in with everyone else.  Wanting to have friends, wanting to be loved.  No wait NEEDING to be loved.  Needing to feel worthy of being in this world. 

I find it so sad that kids are so mean to each other.  Why?  I don't understand what school has become. 

As an adult I know have children of my own.  I can't help but want them to be respected themselves but to also treat others with love and respect.  I want them to have the best in life, education, experience, skills, religion, and above all things love. 

Myself I want to start homeschooling my kids.  I always new it was something I would do eventually anyway.  My kids are now 3, 5, and 7 almost 8.  I also have a 18 year old step-daughter that we home schooled after grade 7. 

The funny thing is the very first reaction a main stream - public school world response is always "but how will your child be socialized" or some form of that exact sentence. 

My question to you then is.... do WE tax payers pay the school to socialize our children?  What is the purpose of public schools? 

In my opinion it is to simply educate our children.  Not in religion but in Mathematics, science, history and such.  Which lately they are not doing a great job of.  Very unsettling to know that they are even now as you read this changing the very words in the history books and taking things OUT of the history books that they just do not feel is necessary - or is politically correct.  Sorry honey's but our history is just NOT politically correct and as they always say "those who do not learn history are doomed (yes DOOMED) to repeat it."  Well, who cares about that, let's just try to erase history.  C'mon.

Sorry I digress.  Where was I?

Ok so the school's job is to educate our children.  You already know I don't think they are doing a good job at that - but that is besides the point. 

If you are one who believes that the tax payers should pay not only to educate the children of this country - but also to provide them with a social arena to make friends - first of all I think that is absolutely crazy.  Why should I pay a portion of my hard earned money for kids to "make friends?"  Take your kids to play groups and YOU pay for them to join in activities to make friends and be social.  Give me a break.

Second - IF it is the schools "JOB" to socialize our children - aren't they failing TERRIBLY??  I know it's been worse lately - but it's been on a downward spiral for years. 

The movie "Mean Girls" is just one quick glimpse into how well that public school socialization is going.  Bullying, peer pressure, hazing, and pushing children past their limits.  Being a kid, tween, and teen is hard enough with all the emotions involved and learning who you are, what your morals will be, and what your place in this world is. It only makes it harder, not easier - when you have their peers pushing them to do things they don't want to do.  What happens is these children learn the wrong answers to important life questions based on all these bad experiences.  Growing through all this they grow further and further from their parents. Stop going to grown ups who have been around the world long enough to know better for advice, and start going to Miz Queen Bee - who will give you bad advice on purpose just to laugh at the outcome. 

I am not saying that my life was exactly like that - I think that in this current day it is much much harder to be a kid in school then back when I was there. It was bad enough back then.  Reading my dark, dismal, and even "emo" poem I can remember how rough it was for me.  Again I am off topic.

My point I'm trying to make is.... school isn't, wasn't, and never has been a great place for children to socialize.  Yes if you ask a kid if they like school, a likely answer would be, "I guess I get to see my friends there." Or something like that.  I challenge you to think harder - that is NOT why they go.  Beyond that - if you're the parent and you get that response - WHO are these friends?  Are they friends that YOU want your child to be like?  Are they true friends to your child who share the same values as you'd like your child to have?  If so - great.  If not ....makes you think about it a little more doesn't it? 

How about the kids at the bus stop, on the bus, in the classes, and in the lunch room?  Do you like their values?  Their morals?  Would you like to see your child dress, talk, or act like him or her?  What about the teachers?  All of them.  They ALL have influence over your child.  You send your child to school for 7 hours or more each day 5 days a week, plus bus ride time and any extra curricular activities.  That is at a minimum of 35 hours a week.  These people have 35 hours to attract your child and rub their behavior off onto him or her.  35 hours to talk to your child about their views on sexuality, ways to dress, ways to act, parties to go to, and other issues.  35 hours to talk them out of whatever values and morals you are trying to instill in your child.  I'll tell you what.... THEY DO!!  Sad thing is, many times, it works!!  

Oh but my kids a great kid, that would never happen to him/her.  You are WRONG and having unrealistic expectations of your child will set them up for failure!! 

Oh my kid is such a wonderful kid.  These other kids - they need help.  He/She helps the other kids, if he/she didn't who else would they go to.  - Great I am glad you have such a wonderful heart for these poor kids who are lead astray and have no positive influences in their life.  Be careful.  You don't want to feed your little sheep to the wolves.  It is sad that these kids are out there with no where to go and no positive influences in their lives.  You just have to expect a LOT out of your kid to think they can pull someone single handedly out of the trenches.  That person has to want a better life.  Your child may think they have what it takes and sincerely want to help these other kids.  You've just got to remember your child is a child.  You've been there.  Try to remember how the food chain works.  The pressures are bigger than your darling sheep will ever know until it is too late.  It is just too hard.

I am not saying at all that if you decide to put your kids into public school you are bad and wrong.  I am sorry if it comes across that way.  IF you do chose public school though - realize that it is a very horrible scary place for kids to be in and don't ever take that for granted!  It means that whatever morals and values you want your children to have - you need to work THAT MUCH HARDER to instill it in him or her.  You WILL feel like a broken record.  Don't get discouraged.  Your son or daughter needs you to be as strong as you want her to be in fighting those wolves.  Your kind words, your reminders of the strong man/woman you want him or her to become - is so important. 

What I have been trying to say is, when you know someone is homeschooling don't look at that child as "unsocialized" but as loved.  Yes there are some bad parenting that goes on with SOME home schooling homes.... there's probably even more (because more kids are public schooled) bad parenting that goes on with your child's fellow students in public school as well.  None of us have it 100% perfect.  I wish I new how to do that.  Homeschooling is a great option to give your child quality education.  You can still provide socialization.  You have more opportunities for real world, real life training for your child.  You have the power of influence over your child as far as morals and values (which is great so long as the parents have good morals and values themselves and are not hypocrites). 



I have to put this topic to rest for a moment.  I have things that just have to get done around here.  Please feel free to publish your own comments and let me know what you think - on anything written so far.